


Do svidaniya

by Satine86



Category: Sailor Moon - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Other, POV First Person, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-05
Updated: 2012-07-15
Packaged: 2017-11-09 05:18:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/451767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satine86/pseuds/Satine86
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Russian Revolution was a time of great turmoil and political intrigue. In these trying times can young love succeed or will fate pull them apart? Venus/Kunzite, with some other familiar faces. </p><p>Rated T+ for adult themes, mild swearing (mainly Russian), mild violence. Don't own anything but the idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"At time it vas great honor." Taking a sip of his port, Kostya Martinov leaned back in his chair, his Russian accent thick even after many years spent outside of his homeland. At the age of sixty-five he was still dashingly handsome, his shoulders broad and figure still fit. "Looking back now I know it vas only out of desperation, after they lose so many in first World War."

"That's not completely true, you were a very skilled fighter," his wife interrupted, her own accent no longer thick, but dulled to a charming lilt.

"I vas child, vhat did I know?" He shrugged a broad shoulder, grinning.

"Just get on with your story then," she chided softly, rolling her eyes.

"Fine, fine! I think, though, you must fill in spots." Settling further into his chair, Kostya surveyed the group gathered around the fire and started the tale everyone had been pestering him for. "It vas beginning of 1917 when I vas accepted into the Imperial Guard. I vas twenty and living alone in Petrograd…"

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so excited. I work up even earlier than usual to make sure everything was perfect and pristine. I polished my shoes, shined my sabre and, after placing my new Kiver atop my head, I thought I might actually look like I belonged on the Imperial Guard.

Russia was full of unrest, there was war with Germany, but I felt hope blooming in my chest for the first time since my father had died. I was going to follow in his footsteps, after all.

Before I left the house, which had belonged to my father, but now seemed too large and empty, I glanced toward my parents’ wedding picture on the mantle. I tipped my hat and smiled, “I will make you proud.”

The walk to the guardroom outside of Winter Palace was tedious work, there had been a large snowfall the night before and there were drifts up to my thighs. I carefully made my way down the stairs outside, then struggled through the snow until I got to the main street where it was packed down. The air stung my cheeks and I pulled my scarf up higher before digging my hands into my pockets.

People were just getting ready for the day; the baker was sweeping snow from her sign, and there were children racing with each other on their way to school, laughing and teasing. A few soldiers were on patrol and I nodded to them as I walked by, feeling so much pride because I was to be one of them.

 

******

 

The halls leading toward the commander’s office were long, well lit, and immaculately kept. I had been escorted by a quiet young man with large glasses and mousy brown hair. He lead me down to one door with ornate carvings running along the edges and large brass handle. The young man ducked inside the commander’s office to announce my arrival, and left shortly after.

I stepped inside the room; it was large, spacious and Spartan. Bookcases lined the wall to the left and part of the back, to the right was a large fireplace with a few bits of military memorabilia set on top, and two overstuffed chairs were sitting in front of it. Across from where I stood was a large oak desk and behind it sat Commander Tomlin.

The commander was a man of medium build and indeterminable age. He was fair skinned with a pair of wire rimmed glasses perched on a long nose, and his hair was as white as mine; although it looked far more natural on him than me.

“Please, sit comrade,” he said gesturing to the straight backed chair in front of his desk and I complied. He took a moment to look over his desk for my file before finally locating the document and skimming the pages. “Kostya Martinov?” he mumbled under his breath, brows furrowing slightly before looking up at me and staring. “Dmitriy’s boy?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, I’m quite shocked to see you here.“ The commander leaned back in his chair and pulled off his glasses. “I met you once before, I doubt you would remember, it was before your mother died. I believe it was your birthday, you had gotten a new train set and you had covered the entire living room with the tracks. That seems like such a short time ago, now here you are all grown and in my office.” He shook his head as if to clear it. “Tell me, Kostya, what made you want to join the Imperial Guard?”

“My father. I know it would make him proud if I followed in his footsteps.”

Tomlin smiled at me softly. “He was a great man, I was very sorry to learn of his death. You have my condolences. How long has it been?”

“Six months, and thank you, sir.”

Tomlin nodded and picked up my file again, reading it more thoroughly. “I see you’ve completed all the basic training, and it looks like General Artamov has given you his full endorsement.” Tomlin looked up at me with a grin. “That’s not a thing that happens often.”

“So I’ve been told, sir.”

“Well, not much more to it then to get you situated in a patrol. I will send for someone to show you around.” As the words left his mouth there was a knock on the door, before Tomlin could even form a reply a young girl with dark hair rushed in.

“Papa!”

“Shh, Helena, I have a guest.” The girl stopped suddenly at that news and turned to look at me. She was slight for her age, which I placed to be about seven, with dark eyes and shockingly pale skin; I assumed she was very unwell.

“Pleased to meet you, sir.” She dipped down into a graceful curtsy. Smiling gently I rose to my feet and gave her a formal bow. “A pleasure, Helena. I’m Kostya.”

She beamed up at me, and as I took my seat again she dashed over to her father. “Papa, Milena wants to take me to the ballet! If you say it’s alright? Please, Papa, please?”

Commander Tomlin sighed heavily at this. “How are you feeling today?”

“Much better than yesterday!”

“Let me see your eyes.” He pulled his daughter close and looked into her eyes while tilting her head side to side. “Do you promise that if you start to feel the slightest bit tired you will tell Milena and come straight home?” The girl nodded vigorously. “Then you may go.”

“Thank you, Papa!” Helena flung her arms around his neck and kissed each cheek before running toward the door. Before she left completely she turned back and curtsied again. “Goodbye, Kostya!”

“Goodbye, Helena.” The door closed and I turned back to the commander, “She’s sweet.”

“She is, I do so worry about her, but her Governess is a Godsend. Pah!” He shook his head, throwing his hands in the air. “No need for my troubles, come let’s go find your escort.”

 

******

 

Tomlin guided me down the long corridors, taking me further into the palace and finally out into a large courtyard, it was walled in to the left, the right side sheltered by the palace. The entire area was cleared of snow, the large fountain in the middle was frozen over, the spouting cherubs caked in ice. Tomlin did not pause, walking swiftly across the cobblestones and entered a door on the other side. I followed him closely, trying to take in everything around me, once we were inside I realized this was the barracks.

“Alex!” Tomlin called out to a man with short blond hair down the hall. His back was turned, but he was slight of build and most likely a junior recruit. “Just the man I wanted to see, I need you to show our newest recruit around. Can you handle that?”

“Of course, sir!” The young man turned around, saluting the commander, and I nearly fainted. Tomlin turned back to me, worried. “Kostya, are you alright?”

“Yes, sir. Fine.” I tried to keep my face neutral; I must’ve succeeded because Tomlin only nodded gently and clapped me on the shoulder before taking his leave. I watched him go before rounding back on ‘Alex.’

“Alexis, what the hell are you doing here?” I growled.

“Kostya, shut up! Come here!” Alexis pulled me into a break room off the main hall that was thankfully empty, locking the door behind us. “Good to see you again, cousin!” Alexis said lightly, too lightly, a wide smile plastered in place. I hated that bright smile, it always meant trouble.

“You’re supposed to be in Moscow, attending school! I saw you leave on the train! Do your parents know you’re here?”

“Of course not you fool! I’ve been sending them letters through a friend. They think their little girl is getting the ‘proper education of a lady.‘ Meanwhile I’m here, getting the education I want.”

“How? You’re parents are one thing, but how have you convinced them that you’re a man?” I eyed her shorter hair and military uniform, all in all she gave a good impression of a young recruit… but there were doctor checkups and other things to get around.

“It’s not that hard, I dress in corners and bathe at night when no one is around. The physicals are the only problem, but I made friends with one of the doctors. He understands and keeps my secret.” She waved a hand airily while leaning back against the door.

“Alexis, do you understand what you’re doing? You’re impersonating a guardsman…”

“I am a guardsman.” The look she gave me was enough to melt snow. “I have completed training, I work hard, harder than most others here. I know what I’m doing.” And then her features softened and she looked up at me through her lashes. “Dmitry was my uncle, and you were not the only one affected by his stories and bravery and honor.”

“I know, he loved you like you were his own daughter.” I sank down on a chair and rubbed my face. “But why not tell me?”

“I thought it would be safer if no one knew.“ She shrugged. “At least while I got settled.”

“So you’re not upset that I’m here now?”

“No! I’m excited, I’ve missed you! Besides, now I have someone to talk to.” She pulled out one of the chair across from mine and settled herself. “I’ve met someone!” Her eyes were glowing like blue flames; more trouble.

“How did you meet someone?”

She spread out her arms and rolled her eyes. “What can I say? I’m full of surprises.”

“Apparently,” I snorted. “Does he know you’re a woman?”

She smiled slowly, “Yes.”

“What’s his name then? Is he a solider?”

That grin again. “No, a civilian, and _her_ name is Mischa.”


	2. Chapter 2

About two weeks later, in the middle of January, I was hastily making my way down the street, trying to keep my date with Alexis and Mischa. I had promised to meet them for lunch at the small restaurant owned by Mischa’s family, but I had been held up by a commander. 

Now I was running down the sidewalk, dodging pedestrians and trying not to break a leg on the icy ground. Finally my destination came into sight and I skidded to a halt outside the door, grasping the frame to steady myself before stepping inside. 

The restaurant was a quaint place with a homey feel, the walls were dark blue with mahogany paneling that matched the tables and chairs. However lovely the place was it was unfortunately deserted, as it usually was these days, and Alexis and Mischa were seated at a large table in the middle of the room. I wound my way around the tables and pulled out a chair across from Mischa. 

“You’re late,” Alexis teased before I could even take my seat. 

“I know, Kerensky held me up.”

“Don’t mind her, Kostya, she’s just grumpy because I said we couldn’t eat until you arrived.” Mischa smiled serenely. Over the last few weeks Mischa had become a good friend, and it was very easy to see why Alexis was completely taken with her.   
She was twenty-one, two years older than Alexis, and a violinist for the ballet. Mischa was soft spoken, polite, and intelligent. Her friends were artists, mostly, and she knew a great deal about politics, art, and history. 

The pair had met one night when ‘Alex’ had gone out for dinner with a few comrades; Mischa had been serving that night, and Alexis had spent the night flirting. Mischa had been completely unreceptive toward any advances made, but Alexis had always been stubborn and had gone back many times, striking up an easy friendship.

Alexis had been in love--or so she said--since the first, and had set out to tell Mischa the truth, who had been happy, if not relived, by the news. 

“Well, he’s here now, let’s eat!” Alexis jumped up from her seat and dashed back to the kitchens. 

“Has it been like this all day?” I asked, nodding toward the empty dining room. 

Mischa shrugged a delicate shoulder, “Yes, but it’s not surprising though, is it? The winter has been bad, work is scarce and people don’t have the money to spend at a restaurant. I’ve heard so many things…. ” she looked up at me, brow creased and worry evident in her navy blue eyes. “Things are bad Kostya.”

I didn’t have time to ask further as we were interrupted by Alexis returning with a tray of food, who was closely followed by Mischa’s mother, Galina, bearing another tray of drinks. The table was soon covered with _shashlyk_ , _pirozhki_ , and Galina’s special buckwheat _kasha._ There was enough to feed the entire garrison.

“Eat up my handsome boys!” Galina tucked the tray under her arm, pinching my cheek and then Alexis’. As she stood there chatting with Mischa a moment, I shared a look with Alexis before taking a giant gulp of tea to keep from laughing; it only served in burning my mouth.

I was the only one to know their secret. I had asked them what they would do, later on, but they had only said they would cross that bridge when they came to it. In the meantime though they presented the face of a young solider and girl in love. Despite my more solemn thoughts, the meal progressed in a lively nature and soon it was time for dessert. When Galina learned that none of us had any commitments for the rest of the afternoon, she bought out a new batch of Chocolate Vodka. 

Galina sat with us and made sure we all had a full glass, I’m not sure how long we sat there, or exactly how much we drank, but when it came time to go I knew the walk back to the barracks would not be easy, but it was closer than my own home on the other side of the city. 

At the front of the building Alexis left me to escort Mischa to her apartment, and I continued on alone…. walking very slowly. Things were fine until I saw a familiar dark head and heard a small voice calling my name. 

Helena rushed up to me, rosy cheeked and smiling. “Hello Kostya!”

“Hello, what are you doing out here today?”

“Papa just bought me some new books for school, and one with fairy tales. See!” She held out her new prize, beaming.

“Quite nice. Where is your father now?” I scanned the crowd but I couldn’t see him anywhere. 

Helena wrinkled her nose. “Talking with men from work, I was getting so bored when I saw you. You’re very easy to spot in a crowd, you know?”

“I’ve been told that a few times.”

She regarded me for a moment, peering up at me with her head thrown back, before her eyes settled on my hair. “Papa’s hair is white because he’s old, but you’re not old, so why is yours white?” I rubbed my mouth for a moment to keep from laughing, and then couched down in front of her. I felt slightly giddy and I had to place a hand on the ground to keep from tumbling over. 

I would never let Galina serve me again. 

I looked at Helena for a moment, finding my words. “When I was about your age, there was an… accident, and it’s been white ever since.” 

“Were you hurt?”

“Yes, but mostly I was scared.”

“I’m sorry.” She leaned forward and placed a kiss on my cheek. 

“You’re a sweet girl, you know that?”

“I’ve been told that a few times,” she giggled. 

I laughed with her. “Well, don’t ever change, alright?” 

“I promise!” 

“Ah, Kostya, good to see you.” I rose to my feet as Tomlin approached and had to blink several times to bring him into focus. My head was spinning and my face felt flushed, my only hope was that Tomlin thought it was from the cold. The last thing I needed was for him to think I was a drunk. “I hope Helena wasn’t bothering you?”

“Papa!” Helena huffed as Tomlin placed a hand on top of her head. 

“No, sir. We were discussing her new books.”

“Ah, I see. She’s always loved books, so who am I to deny her?” He chuckled. “I’ve heard that you settled nicely?”

“Yes, sir. I’m on watch tomorrow. I was just headed back to the barracks to get some sleep.”

“Mm, looks like you might need it.” He clapped a hand to my shoulder. “Hopefully the headache won’t be too bad in the morning, hmm?” Tomlin laughed as he took Helena’s hand and steered her toward their home down the street, leaving standing in the street alone.

 

******

 

When I awoke the next morning it was to find Alexis’s happy face inches from mine, and a nasty headache throbbing at my temples. 

“You are alive, I was beginning to worry.” Alexis flopped down on my bed, jostling me viciously, and grinned. “You need to learn to handle your liquor, cousin.” 

“There’s no need. I’m never drinking again.” I shoved myself out of bed and made toward the bathrooms, Alexis close behind. 

“ _Pizdobol_ ,” she taunted as I splashed my face with cool water. I glared at her over my shoulder, “I’m serious.”

“For now. We’ll see. Next day you have off, we’re going drinking with my friends; they’ll teach you.”

“Bah! Go away, I need to get ready for my watch.” 

“It’ll be fun!” She cackled as she walked out the door. I highly doubted anything she thought was “fun” would be good for my health, but there was no use arguing with her; I would just have to be careful.

I washed and dressed quickly before reporting to my commander, who decided I sorely needed to attend to the pile of paperwork in his office. It wasn’t altogether a bad thing, since it was quiet in his office, but concentrating on the words made my head pound more than it already was. 

I spent the morning cooped up in the stuffy, dusty room and when I finally emerged for lunch my eyes were bleary, my neck cramped, and my stomach was grumbling. I eat heartily, grateful for the meal, even if it was the bland food of the mess hall. 

That afternoon was spent running drills with the rest of the new recruits, and then entertaining Helena, who had come down to the work room after her studies to help me put away the equipment. 

“What are your plans for tonight?” I asked as she gathered up towels and placed them in the wash basket.

“Milena is taking me to the Ballet again!”

“Oh? You go often, don’t you?”

“Yes! Milena was a Ballerina and toured for many years, but she got an injury and couldn’t anymore. So she became a Governess, but she still loves the Ballet and has taught me to love it, too.” Helena bent to pick up a medicine ball, which she struggled with for a moment before I took it from her and placed it in the closet. 

“She sounds like a very interesting person.”

“She is! She is my favorite person in the whole world. Milena is fun and smart, she’s teaching me French! And she’s so beautiful, I want to be like her when I grow up.” Helena nodded sagely.

“I’m sure when you’re grown you’ll be the prettiest girl in all of Russia.” I smiled at her. 

“Really?”

“Absolutely, you’ll have all the boys memorized.”

“Even you?”

“Even me,” I chuckled. She looked up at me with eyes shining in admiration, but then the clock struck the hour and she gasped.

“I have to go! Papa wanted to have dinner with me before the Ballet!” She took off toward the door.

“I’ll see you later then, Cinderella?” She giggled at that, “of course!” I watched as the door swung close and laughed to myself. 

“Helena’s in love with you, you know?” A soft voice said from the other side of the room, I whirled around to find a young woman standing there, a teasing smile playing at the corner of the mouth. “She talks about you all of the time… Kostya this and Kostya that,” she said, walking toward me. I would have said something, had I any thought in my head, but was absolutely the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. 

Her waist length hair fell in gentle waves around her, the front clipped back from her face with two jeweled combs, framing her pale face. She looked at me with wide blue eyes, fringed with thick lashes, her lips quirked in that same teasing smile. As she walked forward, her hips swayed with a natural grace that made me more than aware of her figure. 

She stopped in front and held out a delicate hand toward me, “I’m Milena, by the way.” As I numbly shook her hand, which was softer than I had imagined, I silently marveled at her beauty. I had excepted Milena the Governess to be many things; an old crone or possibly a middle aged matronly woman, but never once did I think she would be a young goddess. 

“Kostya,” I said automatically and then cursed myself for being a fool; of course she knew who I was already.

She gave a tinkling laugh, “I know. There’s no one else you could be, not after Helena’s descriptions.” 

“Oh?” I realized then I was still holding her hand, and hastily let it go. She smiled again. 

“She said you were tall, taller than any of the other recruits, with white hair and grey eyes, and that you were very handsome.” Milena inspected me for a moment with her eyes squinted slightly. “I think maybe she didn’t do you justice.”

Against my best intentions I felt my face grow hot. 

“I know she didn’t do you justice,” I blurted stupidly, but I was rewarded again with her tinkling laugh. 

“Ah, you were thinking I would be a wrinkled old woman?” Turning away she wandered out into the middle of the training floor. “I imagine she told you that I was once a Ballerina? You perhaps thought I was past my prime?” Milena raised her arms and did a Pirouette. 

“I entered the professional Ballet when I was sixteen and toured for three years before I injured my knee, and had to drop out. After that I became Helena’s Governess.” As she spoke, Milena executed several more moves I did not know the names of. She was full of elegance and grace, and I couldn’t have looked away to save my life. 

She stopped suddenly and looked at me with a piercing gaze. “I should go and get ready for the show.” I watched silently as she walked to the door. “It was nice to finally meet you, Kostya,” she said before stepping out into the hall. 

“You as well,” I mumbled to the closed door.


	3. Chapter 3

I ran into Milena again a few times over the next several days, and each time I managed to make a bigger fool of myself, tripping over words and staring. Because of this, I was immensely thankful that when I ran into Milena exactly one week after our first encounter, Helena was with her. The children would chatter and distract from my idiocy.

We were out in the courtyard between the main part of the palace and the barracks. The girls had been making snow angels when I had come along, and they coerced me into helping them make a snowman. After we all sat on the edge of the frozen fountain to admire our handiwork, talking and laughing. 

“Have you been to the ballet before, Kostya?” Helena asked suddenly. Her mittened hands folded neatly in her lap, one foot kicking slowly back and forth. 

“Not since I was a boy; my mother used to take me.”

“Why did she stop?”

“Helena! Be polite,” Milena hissed. Her eyes met mine over Helena’s head, apologizing for her charges rudeness. 

“It’s alright.” Glancing back down I looked at Helena for a moment, judging. I knew her mother had died in childbirth, so she understood death. “She died when I was young.” 

“Oh.” Helena’s face fell slightly. “And I know your Papa died.”

“That‘s right,” I nodded slowly. 

“You’re an orphan then?”

“I suppose so, but I might be a little too old to be considered that.” 

“You’re never too old.” She leaned over and wrapped her thin arms around my neck. Smiling, I gently patted her back in return, “Well, I might be an orphan, but at least I have good friends, hm?” 

“Of course!“ The girl brightened as she pulled back. “You should come to the ballet with us! Milena’s old troupe is performing next week.”

“Helena, I’m sure Kostya has more important things to do than attend the ballet with us.” 

Helena looked stricken at this news and turned watery eyes toward me. “You want to come with us, don’t you Kostya?” 

I was saved from answering as Milena clicked her tongue at the girl. “It doesn’t matter either way, the performance is sold out. You know that.”

“But can’t you get a friend to let us in?” Helena pleaded. 

“Don’t pout. You know I can’t.” The sadness that flickered in Milena’s eyes had me wanting nothing more than to take it away, and I said the first words that came to mind: “My friend could get tickets.” 

Two sets of hopeful eyes swiveled toward me, and I immediately regretted getting their spirits up. “Kostya, do you really think so?” Milena’s face was glowing, and she slowly reached across Helena to grip my arm. 

“Mmm, I’ll go see her later today,” I said with the utmost confidence, silently praying Mischa would be able to arrange something….. and hopefully not kill me in the process.

 

*****

 

“Kostya…” Mischa’s breath puffed out like a plume of smoke in front of her face. Brushing back her thick curls she glared up at me, her cheeks pink from either annoyance or the cold--I couldn’t tell. I had been on my way to the restaurant to speak with Mischa when I literally ran into her outside the repair shop. Now we stood on the sidewalk as I explained my situation with Milena and Helena. 

“I can’t believe you would make promises like that.” I opened my mouth to reply, closed it, then tried again. Mischa merely raised one delicate eyebrow at me, and a smile spread across her face that reminded me far too much of Alexis. 

“You like her!” She jabbed an accusing finger into my chest. 

“No!” Unfortunately my denial came a bit too quickly and a bit too loudly. I was tempted to sulk as Mischa crowed at me: “You do! I can’t believe it…. ah, young love!” 

“Stop it, you sound Alexis.” She tried to pinch my cheek but I batted her hand away. 

“Fine, fine,” she waved airily. “But you, my friend, have come across a bit of very good fortune.” Mischa laced her arm through mine, leading me down the street. “You see, I happen to have four tickets to the show. My parents and sister were supposed to go with Alexis, but with things how they are at the restaurant, they won’t be able to come.”

“Leaving you with three extra tickets?” 

“Exactly! This is perfect, because now I will get to meet the young lady who has captured the heart of the ever stoic Kostya.” 

“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea…”

“What isn’t a good idea?” We came to a halt in front of the restaurant where Alexis was waiting for us, leaning back against the door. Her arms crossed over her chest, and a catlike grin on her face that gave me a sinking feeling in my stomach. Before I could get a word in, Mischa lunged forward, wrapped an arm around Alexis’s waist, and started explaining about Milena. 

“Milena Guseva? You mean General Artamov’s niece?” At those words I could feel the blood drain my face, and I’m sure it was as white as my hair judging by Alexis’ uproarious laughter.

“You didn’t know! How could you not? Lord, you’re in love with the General’s niece.” 

“I‘ve never discussed anything like that with her! And I’m not in love with anyone!” Now all of the blood came rushing back, a warm heat spreading across my cheeks despite the cold air. 

“Come on, let’s go inside and you can tell me about this… politely,” Mischa warned as she grabbed Alexis by the ear and drug her inside. I followed behind, slowly shuffling my feet, wondering what I had ever done to deserve this. 

Once inside we disposed of our coats, gloves and hats. I took a seat across from Alexis as Mischa disappeared for a moment to get tea for us. When she returned she sat next to Alexis, calmly stirring honey into a steaming cup with her chin resting studiously upon her fisted hand. 

“Now, tell me, what’s all this?” She quirked one eyebrow at me, but Alexis was the one to answer. 

“General Artamov is the most renowned and feared man on the guard. Basic training is nearly impossible because of him.” Alexis smiled at me, eyes dancing with amusement. “He’s very scary and very protective of his precious niece. There are many stories that float around the barracks of men who’ve come to court her in the past.” 

Alexis stopped for a moment to sip her tea, obviously relishing the suspense. “One guard told me he sets up tests for would-be suitors; no man has ever passed them.”

“Do you know what they are?” Mischa was leaning forward, completely engrossed in the story, while I wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground. 

“No, I think they vary depending on the man. I wonder what yours will be cousin?” I glared balefully at Alexis while she laughed. 

“There will be no tests, I am not courting Milena.” Although I had admit the thought was quite pleasing, overbearing uncle or not. 

“You say that now, but I saw the twinkle in your when you said her name. You like her, plain and simple.” Mischa wagged a finger at me knowingly. 

“If you say so,” I muttered while they started chatting about the ballet. This was a very bad idea. 

 

*****

 

The night of the ballet I was excited, despite my constant denials to Mischa and Alexis. I had taken out one of my father’s old tuxedos for the occasion. It snug across the shoulders, but the cut was plain, no embellishments to hint at it’s age, which was older than I was. I made sure everything was in perfect order; my tie, my hair, my shoes shined to a gleaning polish. 

After everything was settled I waited not-so-patiently for Alexis to arrive with the carriage. I rose quickly as soon as I heard her coming up the steps, and opened the door before she could even knock. I found her dressed in coat and tails, her wool coat open, and her close cropped blonde hair combed back from her face.

“Looking dapper tonight, cousin.” 

Alexis grinned at me and adjusted her collar. “Always, besides I need to impress your lady love, can’t have her thinking you run around with disreputable people.” She patted my cheek condescendingly and snatched my coat from the rack. “Come on, let’s go!” 

The ride to the theater was short, and I was thankful for that as it started snowing the moment we stepped out of my house. We checked our coats and started toward our seats, I made for the main floor but Alexis stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.

“Ah, ah. Up there.” She pointed to the staircase that lead to the private boxes.

“Really?”

“Of course! Mischa only believes in the finest things… why do you think she’s with me?” Alexis smirked. Laughingly I followed her up the stairs and looked around the theater. 

This one was a newer, only built a few years ago. The old one had been small and dark, but this one well lit with sparkling chandeliers and that reflected and shone off vaulted ceilings. The carpet beneath our feet was a plush red, and muted the sound of our steps on the marble stairs. The white walls were lined with lights set in gold brackets and the crown molding that ran along the ceiling and floor was inlayed with gold as well.

It was nearly as beautiful as inside the Winter Palace, and I felt slightly awed by it all. Walking down the hallway, which was just as grand as the entry, we met the girls outside the box, and I found myself nearly tripping over air when I caught sight of Milena. 

Her golden hair was piled atop her head in a cascade of golden curls that ran down her neck and framed her face. A simple strand of pearls was wrapped around her slim neck with matching earrings. She wore a sapphire blue satin dress, the color matching her eyes perfectly, with a cream colored overlay that was strewn with gems and gold stitched flowers. 

She was absolutely radiant as she turned to smile at me. “This is amazing! Thank you so much for this, Kostya.” Lacing her arm through mine we walked into the box and took our seats. 

Helena was practically bouncing with excitement as she sat in the chair next to mine. Her velvet dress changing colors as she moved; ranging from lavender to a deep amethyst. “Which one is your sweetheart, Alex?” she asked, leaning forward to peer down at the stage. 

“The violinist, with the dark hair.” Alexis leaned her head next to Helena’s and pointed toward the orchestra pit where Mischa was tuning her violin, chatting with one of the flutists. 

“Oh! She’s lovely!” Helena gushed. 

“Yes, she is.” Alexis smiled and settled back in her seat. We chatted a moment until the lights dimmed and the curtain rose. I realized, as the first notes of the orchestra, I didn’t know what was to be preformed. I opened my playbill and glanced inside: _Sleeping Beauty._

The performers came out on stage, and the audience quieted down. There was a woman with long limbs and dark blonde hair twirling about, and even my untrained eye could tell she was quite good.

“That’s the part I used to play,” Milena whispered in my ear, her warm breath tickling the fine hairs on my neck. “She’s good.”

“I’m sure you were better,” I whispered back and Milena turned shocked eyes to me. She studied me a moment before her eyes softened and a meek smile graced her full lips. “Maybe,” she said. 

I tried to concentrate on the ballet, but I found my eyes more often than not drifting toward Milena; she sat on the edge of her seat, perfectly poised and completely enthralled. Her eyebrows were knitted together in emotion, and her fingers tapped against her leg in rhythm to the music. 

As the curtain fell at the close, she rose to her feet, clapping loudly. I followed suit and leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Would you like to come with us backstage, while we collect Mischa?”

“Can we meet Aurora?” Helena piped up from somewhere near my elbow. “Please, Milena, can we?” The hope on the girl’s face seemed to disperse any doubt Milena might have had about seeing her old troupe again.

“Yes, we can.” She nodded slowly and bent to gather her bag and playbill. 

“Allow me to escort you, my dear.” Alexis held out a hand to Helena, and the girl giggled sweetly as she linked arms with Alexis. Nervously, I offered my arm to Milena, which she took with a smile and I drew her close. She was warm, and soft, and I found breathing to grow increasingly difficult.


	4. Chapter 4

Backstage was a hectic, whirling mass of confusion. Dancers where hopping around, pulling off leotards and pulling on pants. Family, friends, and fans all milled around, handing out flowers and words of appreciation. 

As we struggled through the tide of people, the orchestra was just coming up from the pit, adding to the crush. I picked up Helena to keep her safe, and from her high vantage point she easily spotted Mischa.

“There she is, Alex!” she cried, one hand gesturing wildly to the other side of the hall. Alexis raised herself on the balls of her feet, one hand bracing against my shoulder, and smiled as she found her target. 

“Mischa!” she called, waving a hand wildly. Mischa’s face lit up as Alexis took off through the people, bodily shoving them out of her path. 

“Alex certainly is, uh, focused, isn’t he?” Milena quirked an eyebrow at me. I merely shrugged a shoulder, “he knows what he wants and he goes after it.”

“So I see,” she giggled. 

“Come on, I’ll protect you from the crowd.” I winked, wrapping an arm around Milena’s waist, and hiking Helena higher up on my shoulder, where she was having a fantastic time looking down on everyone.

“Look! That man has a toupee and it’s coming up in the back!” She pointed excitedly to a portly man, who indeed, was losing a battle with his rebellious toupee. 

Milena stared up at Helena incredulously, “that’s rude! Have you no manners child!?”

“How is it rude? It‘s true.” Milena appeared slightly perplexed at that, and gnawed on her lower lip as she pondered the question a moment before snapping back to the present. “It just is!” she finally hissed. 

I laughed under my breath, and tightened my arm around Milena, steering her to safety along the wall. She bent her head, and turned in toward me, apparently hiding her face from a group of dancers. I wondered why she would hide from her old friends?

“Kostya you’re very strong,” Helena stated with a slight bob of her head. 

“Am I?” I cocked an eyebrow up at her as I skirted around a large man who was talking very animatedly with the conductor. I tucked Milena bit closer when one of his hands came flying close to her face. 

“Yes, carrying me around like this.” Finally free of the crowd, we walked along the wall to where Mischa and Alexis were. I stopped after a moment and looked up to Helena.

“I’m not strong, you’re just very light.” I swung her from my shoulder and tipped her upside down. “Kostya!” she shrieked, flailing her arms. I stopped and sat her up right. Straightening her dress and glared up at me. 

“That wasn’t very nice,” she reproached. “It’s not proper for a little girl, epically in a dress!” Kneeling before her I tried to arrange my face in what I hoped was a remorseful look, but judging by the way Milena was biting her thumb behind Helena, I wasn’t very successful.

“I’m very sorry, Helena, it won’t happen again. And I promise to treat you like a proper lady for the rest of the night, alright?” She beamed up at me and leaned forward to kiss my cheek. Rising to my feet I offered one arm to Helena and the other to Milena. 

“You shouldn’t do that,“ Milena whispered in my ear. “Or else she’ll never leave you alone.” 

“It’s alright, I don’t mind. Besides, it means I get to see you more,” I added, feeling bold. Milena didn’t look at me, instead focusing ahead, but a small smile was tugging the corner of her mouth, and I took that as a good sign. Finally we reached our goal and Alexis introduced the girls to Mischa. 

“I see your flowers made it through the fray unscathed.” Milena nodded toward the bouquet in Mischa’s arms. 

“They did, aren’t they beautiful?“ Mischa buried her face into the blooms and took a deep breath. “I told Alex that you bring flowers to the dancers, not the musicians.” 

“And _I_ told _her_ that none of the ballerinas are as pretty as she is.” Mischa made a face at Alexis and swatted her gently, but I could see a blush creeping up on Mischa’s cheeks nonetheless. And indeed Mischa did look stunning in a teal dress, her wavy hair held back with two glittering combs. 

“Well look what the proverbial cat dragged in,” drawled a snide voice behind us. 

Turning around I found a lean man dressed in a finely tailored suit; he was slightly built, barely reaching my shoulders, but with a wiry power that was evident in the way he held his shoulders. His face was smooth and fine boned, giving an almost effeminate look, but his blue eyes were sharp and cold like the winter night outside. 

“Hello, Sergei.” Milena sighed tiredly, ruffling the few tendrils of hair that curled around her face, before stepping forward to greet the man. 

“Milena!” He leaned forward, hands hovering above her shoulders as he brushed a ghost of a kiss against her cheeks. Pulling back he smiled at her, “How have you been?”

“I have been well, thank you.” She nodded, her arms were wrapped around her waist and I could practically feel the unease rolling off her in waves. 

“So I see, been enjoying a bit too much _Khalva?_ ” He tutted and I fisted my hands at my side. “Although I know it is hard to keep your figure when you’re not training everyday.” 

“I train,” Milena defended.

“But not like you used to, not with your knee. Such a shame, that was, we were so sorry to see you go.”

“I’m sure you were,” Milena muttered under her breath but he didn’t appear to hear.

“Though, I see you’ve found other things to keep you occupied.” Sergei’s eyes peered at me over Milena’s shoulder. 

“Oh, how rude of me.” Milena rolled her eyes behind his back. “Sergei, these are my friends. You might know Mischa? She’s a violinist.” 

“Yes, I’ve seen you at rehearsals, you’re quite talented.” Sergei extended a hand and shook Mischa’s. 

“This is her boyfriend, Alex, he’s on the guard.” Alexis nodded at Sergei but didn’t shake his hand, obviously she felt the same way about him as I did. “I’m a Governess now, and this is my charge, Helena.” 

Helena dipped into a pretty curtsey. When she straightened her eyes were dancing with excitement. “Are you the director?” 

“I am.” Sergei crouched before her. “Did you like it?”

“Yes, sir, very much!” 

“Might we have a new ballerina in our midst?” Helena looked awestruck at the thought. “Maybe someday! Milena, will you teach me?” She turned shining eyes on Milena. 

“We’ll see, Helena.” Milena patted the girl’s dark hair. 

“Come see me when you want a real teacher, hmm?” Sergei winked down at Helena and I could see Milena’s jaw working as she clenched her teeth. Her eyes met mine and some of the tension eased from her shoulders.

“And this is Kostya.” Stepping forward she took my hand and I squeezed it gently. Sergei eyed me a moment, apparently scrutinizing my appearance. In a moment of annoyance I stood up to my full height, trying to make myself look as imposing as possible. It worked too, his eyes left me after a moment and focused again on Milena. 

“He’s not your usual type. but I suppose he’s handsome enough.” Sergei flicked a hand airily and Milena visibly bristled, eyes narrowing to slits. 

“We must be going now,“ she ground out and shoved her way past Sergei, dragging me along. “ _Svoloch_ ” she swore under her breath as we moved through the crowd, finally reaching a side door and stumbling through to a deserted hallway. Only then did she slow down to wait for the others to catch up. Leaning back against the wall and letting out another sigh, I thought she looked very small and very tired. 

“I’m sorry. Kostya.”

“Why? You didn’t do anything.” I shrugged and leaned back next to her. 

“He’s just… so rude and backhanded. He always been that way, builds you up, tears you down and then builds you up again. It’s because of him I can’t dance anymore, that I hurt my knee.” 

“What?” I felt a surge of anger at the thought he might have caused her any harm.

“Not directly,” she waved it off absently. “But I always wanted to do my best because I was his ‘shining star’, so I pushed myself too hard. I danced when I should have rested, and I ignored pains when I should have seen a physician. When we were in Paris, performing for Sergei’s mentor no less, I landed wrong and my knee shattered. It’s a miracle I can still walk. After that there was no chance I would ever dance again, so I meant nothing to him. He made sure I was shamed out of the dance world; I could‘ve taught, but he didn‘t want that.”

“You’re right, he is a _svoloch_.” 

“Look, there are the others. Let’s go get our coats, hmm?” She pushed away from the wall, but I caught her wrist before she could get too far.

“Mischa’s parents own a restaurant, we were going to go for dinner, you and Helena should come.” 

“I don’t know, it’s late and I should get Helena home...”

“Come on, it will be fun. Besides, whatever Sergei said, I think you look too thin.” She giggled at that, turning her head and covering her mouth slightly. 

Melina glanced down at my hand still wrapped around her wrist and, wriggling it free, she laced her fingers with mine before smiling up at me with bright blue eyes, “It sounds lovely.”

 

*****

 

Outside the streets were covered in fresh snow but it had lightened up for the moment. We all piled into Alexis’s rented carriage for the drive across town, I was wedged in against the wall with Milena partially on my lap, not that I minded, and the ride seemed quite short despite the icy streets.

Stopping in front of the restaurant we spilled out of the carriage onto the frozen road, and made out way inside where we were greeted by Mischa’s mother. Galina took a moment to gush over how wonderful we all looked, then proceeded feed us until we could barely move. 

At the end of the meal we were all sipping on Galina’s chocolate vodka, but I made sure I was in control of the amount in my glass. Emptying the contents I noticed that Helena was dozing on two chairs she had shoved together earlier, and glancing toward the clock I realized how late it was.

“I should get her home before her father starts to worry,” Milena said as she ran a hand down Helena’s face; the girl stirred slightly then settled back further into the cushions, content. 

“I admit my bed is sounding quite nice,” Mischa murmured, stifling a yawn. Her eyes were dropping and she was leaning against Alexis’s shoulder for support. 

Milena and I helped to clean the table, thanking Galina profusely for the fine meal, before we gathered our things and stepped outside. The skies had cleared up completely and the full moon shone down on the freshly fallen snow drifts, making them glisten and twinkle like the stars in the velvet sky stretching out over us.

We carefully made our way over the icy sidewalk to the carriage. Alexis had hold of Helena, who was fast asleep and bundled up in her coat and a spare borrowed from Mischa’s sister. 

“I’ll drive you back, Milena, it’s on the way to Mischa’s apartment.” Alexis offered, hiking up Helena on her shoulder. 

“Thank you, that would be wonderful.” Alexis nodded before she went to place the slumbering girl in the carriage with Mischa’s help. 

“Are you coming, Kostya?” Mischa called over her shoulder.

I shook my head. “No, I’m out of the way. I’ll just walk to the barracks for the night… it’s not far.” 

Mischa nodded, “Come have lunch with us tomorrow, alright?”

“Absolutely.” She smiled at me and turned back to help Alexis. 

Milena took that moment to step forward and say goodbye. “Thank you again, Kostya.” The smile that lit her face was more luminous than the moon suspended above us. 

“It was my pleasure, I’m glad you could join us tonight.”

“Mmm, yes, that, but I meant thank you for everything. You’re a good friend to have.” I swallowed thickly as she stepped forward and placed a hand on my arm; she rose up on her toes and placed a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll see you later?”

“Uh huh,” I mumbled absently, watching dumbly as she walked to the carriage and stepped inside. 

The night was cold, with no cloud cover and a biting wind that cut to your core. But as I turned toward the barracks, breath puffing before my face in white plumes, I felt a heat spreading from my cheek, down my throat, and finally settling somewhere in my chest. Suddenly the walk back didn’t seem so daunting.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Active warning for this chapter: deals with character death.

“You have the flu and if you continue pushing yourself, like you have been, I won’t be surprised if you end up with phenomena.” Dr. Zoran Byko, one of the acting physicians for the Imperial Guard, and the only person besides my self and Mischa to know Alexis’s secret, looked at me with bored green eyes. 

“Really, Kostya, if you’re sick, you rest, not work doubles.” Pulling off his wire rimmed glasses, he hooked them on his shirt front and crossed his arms. 

Zoran was in his late twenties, having completed medical school at an extremely young age, and judging from the whispers of the nurses, he was a very attractive man. He was a good head shorter than me with an angular face, a lean, muscular build and a long mop of curly blond hair that he always wore in an immaculate ponytail at the nap of his neck. 

“It’s not my fault, everyone else is out sick with the same thing.” I tried to make my voice come out louder than a whisper, but my throat burned like fire every time I spoke or swallowed. 

“Then you should be out, too.” He walked to his desk and took a seat, looking for something in the unorganized mess that was spread across it--he gave a quiet ‘ah ha’ when he found it. “I’m writing out a letter for your superiors, you are to take a week off.” Zoran looked up at me through long lashes, “You will rest. No work.” 

“Yes doctor,” I rasped and Zoran smiled as he continued writing. “You need it, too. You look like _govno_.”

“Is that your professional opinion?” 

“No, just a friendly one,” he grinned wider. I didn’t protest too much because I knew he was right, my eyes were puffy and bloodshot, my face was ashen and as pale as my hair. And I felt even worse than I looked. 

“I want you to take this to whoever is charge right now, then go home. I’ll send Alexis by later to play nursemaid.” Zoran stood and handed me the folded note. 

“I’m sure she’ll come running over.” I laughed but it quickly dissolved into a coughing fit.

Zoran frowned at me, “Maybe she’ll cook you some soup?” 

“If she did I’m sure it would be poisoned.” I tucked the note into my picket and made for the door. “Thank you again, Zoran. A rest will be nice.”

“You truly need it. Now go home, take a warm bath, and I really will send Alexis with some medicine to help you sleep, alright?”

“Sounds good. Take care my friend.”

“You do the same, Kostya.” He clapped me on the back before I stepped into the hallway. 

 

*****

 

It took my far longer than I would’ve liked to make it to my commander’s office, but I was feeling feverish and couldn’t move any faster than a slug. The commander was displeased with the news that I was to take leave, but he couldn’t argue much when he took a look at my face and read Zoran’s note. 

“Very well, you have one week to recuperate, but that is all.” 

“Yes, sir.” I saluted, standing up for so long was making me rather dizzy, and I felt a fine sheen of sweat on the back of my neck. 

“You’re dismissed,” he growled. 

“Thank you, sir.” I slowly walked out the door, trying not to trip over my feet. I shut the door behind me and turned again, not realizing there was a person there. I stumbled back and lost my already precarious balance. 

“Kostya!” I heard a familiar voice cry out, then I was aware of a flutter of skirts next to my head. I cracked open one eye and found Melina’s worried face staring down at me. 

“Are you alright?” She knelt next to me, running a soothing hand down the side of my face. 

“I have the flu.” Melina half laughed, half sighed at me as she helped me to sit up. She started brushing back my hair from my face and frowned, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look horrible.” 

“I feel worse.”

“Then why are you here!? You should be home resting.” I struggled to my feet even with Milena supporting me, and I had to grab the wall to keep myself upright. 

“I saw the doctor, I have a week off. I was on my way home now.” 

“And were you going to walk?“ She tutted under her breath. “I’ll call an escort, come on, let’s go get you better, hmm?”

 

*****

 

I honestly have no recollection of the ride back to my house. All I know is that when I opened my eyes again it was nighttime and I was tucked into my bed. I pulled the covers up, saw that I was no longer dressed in my uniform but in nightclothes, and prayed to God that Milena hadn’t changed me.

“Ah, I see you’re awake.” I looked up as she pushed open my bedroom door and waltzed in, carrying a tray of what appeared to be steaming soup--an apron tied about her slim waist. She sat the tray on the table in the corner and plopped down on my bed, one cool hand reaching out to touch my forehead. “I think your fever has gone down. Feeling any better?”

I took mental stock of myself and found that I did indeed feel better. I no longer felt like the room was spinning, and my muddled thoughts were much clearer. I nodded at her slowly, licking my dry lips. 

“Here, let me get you some water.” She flounced over to the table and grabbed up a cup. I pulled myself to a seated position and greedily drained the cup. 

“When I called the escort I ran into Alex, he helped me get you home since I had no idea where you lived, and are much too big for me to lug around on my own.” She smiled. “He went to Doctor Byko and brought you something for the fever; he’s just left again because he had to meet Mischa.”

She handed me the soup and took her seat on the edge of the bed again. “He wanted to stay, but he gave in when I hold him I would until you woke.”

“Thank you, for everything; you’re a good friend to have.” I smirked at her before devouring my soup, which was positively delicious. “Did you make that?” I was tempted to lick the bowl, but thought it impolite. 

“I did.” Milena gathered up the bowl and cup and sat them back on the tray. “I had Alex pick up a few things on his way back from the doctor’s.”

“You’re full of surprises, aren’t you Milena Guseva?” I settled back into bed, fully contented with a wonderful warmth spreading through my chest. 

“Maybe, maybe not. You’ll have to figure it out on your own.” Leaning forward she brushed a kiss against my forehead. Pulling back slightly her eyes searched mine a moment, looking for something. When she finally found it, she pressed her lips against mine for a heartbeat. Then she pulled back completely, and flashed a quick smile before she scurried out of the room.

I stared after the closed door for a long time, much like after my first meeting with her. Finally I rolled to one side, wondering if sleep would ever claim me when my heart was beating wildly in my chest and thoughts of soft lips were rushing around my head. 

 

*****

 

I awoke the next morning to an empty house and a pot of soup on the stove. Milena had left a note telling me to get some rest, and said she would be by later that day. She made no reference to the kiss. Sighing to myself I warmed up some of the soup, put the bowl in the sink when I was finished, and went back to bed. 

I slept off and on for nearly two days and by the third I was greatly improved. I bathed and dressed before wandering to the kitchen, only then did it occur to me that I hadn’t seen or heard from either Alexis or Milena in the last three days. 

Everything was exactly as I had left it and I found all of that greatly disconcerting. Venturing outside I flagged down a neighbor as they were dashing back into their house. 

“You best stay inside, Kostya. It was a peaceful demonstration for lack of food, then it turned into a protest and now it’s all gone mad!” I tried to ask more questions, but he waved me off and ducked inside. However, I did as he suggested and stayed indoors--like a coward. Then finally, after another three days, Galina came. 

The knock came on my door late in the evening, and quite urgently; I opened it to find her tear stained face. I led her into the foyer, she was shaking and waved off my offer of tea, “You heard about the demonstrations?” 

“Partly from a neighbor, I wasn’t well.”

“Mm, I know; I saw Alex the day you fell ill. People were demonstrating because there’s not enough food, and there are deserters from the military. Then the women workers joined them in a strike and everyone crowded the streets. Even Mischa joined them, the stupid girl.” Galina blew her reddening nose and continued on. 

“More activists came, it started spreading across all of Petrograd. Everyone is starving and this war they have us fighting is pointless! The _Duma_ called for the Tsar to step down! They took control and sent out the guard, Alex was with them. But some of the lower ranking men started defecting…. it turned into riots. Armed civilians firing on the guard and the guard firing back.” Galina broke down into sobs, “They’re gone…”

“What?” I leaned toward her, hoping to better understand her words. 

“Gone, Kostya!! Alex and Mischa are dead!” I moved forward and wrapped her in my arms, my own tears mixing with hers.

“How?” I managed to choke out. 

“Mischa’s friends brought her to me, it was a stay bullet. I don’t know what happened to Alex. Your friend, Milena, sent word this afternoon; it was addressed to Mischa. Alex never knew.” Galina was shaking and completely inconsolable, I had no idea what to say or do, so I just sat with her.

*****

 

Galina left an hour later, after having gathered herself together somewhat. She had offered for me to come and stay with her family for the night, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house. I kept thinking back on all the memories it held of my family: playing with Alexis when I was boy after mother died, how she came to stay with me for two weeks after father died. 

I knew I had to send word to my Aunt and Uncle, but how could I even begin to explain what had happened? Alexis was supposed to be Moscow. I sat down at my desk and just stared at the paper when there was another knock my door. I found Milena on other side, she looked tired and heartbroken, her hair tumbling all around her face and glowing in the street lamps. She looked like a fallen angel. 

“You know,” she whispered. 

“Galina came,“ I sighed, slowly shaking my head. “Mischa too.” She clapped a hand over her mouth, breathing heavily through her nose as tears welled in her eyes. I stepped back and she rushed inside. Closing the door slowly, I moved back to the foyer and found her seated on the floor right in front of the fire. She quickly shucked off her coat, gloves, and scarf and tossed them onto a chair. 

“I’m so sorry, Kostya.” Her voice was soft and full of pain. Without a word I sat down beside her, stretching my legs toward the fire. The room was quiet, the only sound was the crackling fire in the hearth and the rustle of fabric as Melina pulled her knees up, resting her chin on top. 

“Me too,” I finally whispered. Her hand inched over and she laced her fingers with mine. We sat there together, with our fingers intertwined, staring at the fire; the stillness of the room both comforting and unnerving.

“Kostya?” Milena said after a while, she sounded so young and frightened in that moment it broke my heart. 

“Yes?”

“I’m a horrible person.” She bent her head, burying her face in her skirts, and started crying. I reached out a hand to caress her hair softly, “Don’t say that, you’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.”

“No.” She shook her head violently then lifted her tearstained face toward mine, her eyes full of remorse. “They brought it people, I was helping Doctor Byko, and finally Alex was wheeled… I held his hand while he died. I cried for him, my friend, but the entire time I had this feeling inside.“ She tapped her chest roughly. “I was thankful knowing it wasn’t you! That you were safe!”

I brushed her hair behind her ear, taking a moment to steady my voice before I spoke. “Th--that doesn’t make you a horrible person.”

“It does! Innocent people died; they left behind grieving families! But I was _happy_ because I knew you would be alright--no matter happened, you were fine.” 

I gathered her in my arms, rubbing her back and trying my best to sooth her; like I had Galina. Finally her sobs quieted down to a few hiccups and sniffles and she pulled back from me, shyly wiping at her face. 

“I must look awful,” she mumbled. I got up and pulled out a handkerchief from the linen closet. Her fingers were trembling as she took it from mine with a muttered thank you, carefully dabbed at her eyes and nose.

“You look beautiful,” I finally said. Milena glanced up at me with wide eyes. “You always do.”

“You scare me, Kostya.” I had expected her to say several things at that moment, but not that, and I would be lying if I said it hadn’t hurt. I pulled back slightly, but her hand on my arm stopped any further escape. When I turned back, her glowing face was inches from mine and her warm breath tickled my chin when she spoke. 

“B-because you make me feel so many things, all at once, and I can’t even name them all.” She stopped and slowly licked her lips before continuing. “I feel over warm when you’re near me, and cold when you leave. You give me butterflies when you look at me, and I feel like a nervous little girl, but I don’t want that feeling to ever go away. I think about you all the time, and I want to know everything about you. I-” Leaning forward the few millimeters between us I pressed my lips against hers, cutting off her words. 

She stilled, her back rigid. My heart was thundering in my chest and I was ready to pull back, cursing myself a fool, when she finally responded. In that moment I was lost to the world--to the war, the coming revolution, even my grief. 

The only thing that mattered were her soft lips on mine, her sweet scent clouding my senses, and the feel of her gentle hands as they tangled in my hair. The kiss was slow, sweet, and thoroughly intoxicating. When we pulled apart for air I was light headed, but I wanted nothing more than to kiss her again. 

My eyes drifted open and I found Milena’s were still closed. Her naturally full lips were slightly swollen and pink, matching her cheeks--she was absolutely the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. 

She let out a contented sigh, breath caressing my cheek. “… think I might love you,” she finished dreamily. 

“I think I might love you, too,” I whispered in her ear. Her eyes snapped open and searched mine, like she had when I was ill. And I realized now why it unnerved me so much; it didn’t feel like she was searching my eyes so much as my soul. I only prayed she found what she was looking for. 

Her sharp blue eyes relaxed, eyelids drooping in a very seductive way, and she raised one hand to push me back onto the floor. Her lips were on mine the next moment, her slight weight settling onto my chest as she leaned over me. I dug my fingers into her thick golden mane, and deepened the kiss. She made a noise in the back of her throat that was somewhere between a mew and groan. 

“Take me to bed,” she whispered against my lips. I broke off the kiss and stared at her, “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Please?” With her golden hair tumbling around her face she looked like a goddess, and I knew I would never be able to deny her anything. 

“Fine, but…I mean, I’ve never,” I stuttered, feeling foolish as my face grew hot. Gently she placed her hand on my cheek, a small smile tugging her lips.

“Neither have I, but I wouldn’t want it to be anyone other than you.” Then her lips were on mine again and I found nothing else mattered.


	6. Chapter 6

“Why is it white?” Milena asked while fingering a lock of my hair. We lie together in my bed upstairs, the house was completely still, and there was a growing light outside that signaled the coming morning. 

I looked at her from the corner of my eye while settling back against the pillows--she snuggled closer, spooning against my side. Sighing I wrapped an arm around her and started tracing circles over her back and shoulder. I hadn’t ever had to tell the story before and it was difficult to begin. 

“Um, when I was a boy, just a little older than Helena is now, we lived out in the country… in a small town. Father was in the military then, and he would stay in Petrograd for long stretches of time while my mother and I stayed in the village. He would stay in this house; it had been his parents’ before they passed away.“

“My mother was very fond of ice skating and one day, while my father was away, the two of us left to do that. It was late in the season so we had to search for a pond, and we were quite far from the village when we found one. The pond, unknown to us, had a hot spring on one side. I got too close to it and broke through the ice.“

“Kostya..” Milena gasped slightly and wrapped her arms around me tighter. I smiled at her softly and continued on, the words getting easier even if the memories did not. 

“My mother tried to get something to pull me up, but there wasn’t time, so she laid flat and inched close to the edge of the broken ice. She pulled me up just as the ice gave a thunderous crack. I’m not sure how she did it, but she managed to yank me out, sodden clothes and all, and sent me skidding across the ice just as it broke all the way and she plunged under.” I could see it all in my mind’s eye, feel the biting wind as it stuck my chapped face. 

“I tried to get to her, but the ice was breaking up all around me. I ran to the shore and I looked for sticks or anything that might be used for her to hold on to, but by the time I found a big enough branch she wasn’t visible anymore. I searched and searched around the hole…. I finally found her under the ice several feet away. I was too late.” I shivered despite the heat of the room, and Milena’s warm body pressed next to mine. 

“I walked all the way back to the village, soaking wet and freezing. It was near nightfall when I finally got home, my tears were starting to freeze to my face. A neighbor found me and I managed to tell them what happened; I don’t remember anything else after that. They said I slept for nearly five days with a terrible fever. When I awoke my father was there, and we buried my mother the next day. Shortly after that we moved to Petrograd for good. My hair has been white ever since.” I gave a bitter laugh. 

Milena sat up, her hands cupping my face, and gently kissed my lips, eyes, and cheeks before reaching my forehead; her lips tangling in my hair. We parted after several long moments and she settled back against the pillows, tucking the blankets around us. She sat very still and brushed back her curtain of hair with a shaky hand, crystal blue eyes staring off into nothing. 

“My parents died when I was eight. We used to live in Moscow, my father was a fairly wealthy jeweler, and my mother was a retired ballerina--she had a studio where she taught classes for free. One day she was helping father close up shop, since one of his regular employees was ill, and a man came in and tried to rob them. Things went wrong, it was assumed my father wouldn’t give up any money, so the man killed them both. I came here to live with my uncle after that.”

She turned to look at me, a sad smile curling her lips. “Uncle let me continue ballet here, and then when I was fifteen I got the opportunity to train in Paris for a year. I joined the company after that and started touring all over Europe. I think you remember the rest?” 

Milena uncovered her knee, showing the ugly surgery scars that marred her porcelain skin. I leaned forward, planting a soft kiss against her kneecap, then knocked her back against the bed and continued upward until finally reaching her lips.

“I’m sorry about your parents, and I would say that I’m sorry about your knee but that would be a lie,” I murmured against her mouth.

“Oh?” She giggled slightly and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer.

“Mhm, if not for that then who knows were you would be right now.”

“I’d like to think, no matter what, I would be here… with you.” 

 

***** 

 

While I was happy with Milena, I soon had to sober up and face the realities going on around me. I had to write my Aunt and Uncle, explaining about Alexis, and deal the burial. I left a few details out of the letter until I saw them in person. I also kept a few things from Mischa’s parents. Those were not the things for them to be dealing with, not at this time… not ever. 

Mischa’s family was broken and so I took on the task of preparing everything. With Zoran’s help I was able to keep Alexis’s secret and get everything ready for the funeral. Due to the protests and weather, my Aunt and Uncle did not come to Petrograd, and that was good, as I intended for Alexis to have a proper military burial. 

The days leading up to the funeral were a haze, the news coming in from the war front was terrible and the protests were not getting any better. The _Duma_ had taken over, calling themselves the Russian Provisional Government, while Nicholas was locked away in his home. It was thanks to a few words from Tomlin, and surprisingly Melina’s uncle, that allowed me a quiet retirement from the guard--keeping me safe. 

At Galina‘s request, both funerals took place the same day. The church was filled with all of Mischa’s family, none of Alexis’ friends from the guard were able to come, and I was her only family. 

She looked so peaceful and beautiful I found it hard to breathe. I kept thinking how I would never hear her teasing laugh again, or see that catlike smile that always meant trouble. We chose to bury her in her uniform, partly to keep the secret from Mischa’s family, but mostly because we knew she that’s what she would’ve wanted. 

It was quiet in the church after Mischa’s family had gone back to their restaurant, to be with friends and their grief. 

“Your aunt and uncle couldn’t come?” Zoran asked at my side. 

“No, the trains aren’t running in the south and they’re afraid; look what happened to their daughter--an innocent bystander struck down in the riot.” I snorted bitterly. 

“You didn’t tell them the story?” Zoran ran a hand over his ponytail and sighed, his light green eyes drifting over to Alexis. 

“How could I?” I turned to face the doctor. “How could I tell them in a letter that their daughter, their only child, lied to them? I couldn’t tell them that she abandoned her studies and moved here to join the guard. It would kill them, even more than her death already has. I’ll tell them someday when I know they can hear it--can handle it.” 

“So never?” Zoran gave me a regretful smile. 

“Probably,” I sighed. My legs were no longer enough to hold my weight and I sank down onto one of the pews; it was hard and cold and entirely uncomfortable, but I wasn‘t ready to leave yet. “I miss her.”

“I know, my friend; so do I.” He nodded and sat down beside me, offering silent support. The setting sun streaked through the stained glass windows and fell onto Alexis’s head until her hair glowed like a golden halo. She seemed so young and it was so wrong that she was gone. The thought that she might be with Mischa somewhere was of little solace in that moment. 

Behind us the front doors opened, admitting a gust of icy wind, and my own personal angel came gliding down the aisle towards us. Milena was dressed all in black, her light hair a bright contrast against her bleak attire. She hurried forward and slipped into the row behind us, her hand coming to rest softly on my shoulder. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it sooner, but the Commander and Helena… I’m sorry.” She ducked her head regretfully, long lashes fanning her pale cheeks. 

“It’s alright, you’re here now.” I reached up and squeezed her hand reassuringly. Milena nodded slightly and laced her fingers with mine, but refused to look me in the eye. Something was wrong. 

I turned around in my seat to look at her fully, “Milena, what is it?” She cleared her throat softly and finally lifted watery eyes to me.

“Tomlin is worried about Helena and everything that’s happening. He wants to send Helena to Paris--her mother’s sister lives there--and he wants me to go with her.” She squeezed my hand between both of hers, her tears finally spilling down her cheeks. I tried to speak, to say something--anything--but nothing came out, and I could only stare at her. 

“I won’t go though! I won’t leave you, Kostya. Not now; not ever.” She lifted my hand to her mouth, kissing my knuckles. I caught Zoran’s eye and I knew, despite my personal feelings on the matter, Tomlin was right. Sending Milena away with Helena was for the best. 

“You should go.” I found myself saying even as my heart broke at the thought. 

“Kostya…!” Milena looked at as if I had slapped her. 

“No, Milena. We don’t know what’s going to happen now. It isn’t safe for you here.”

“For me? What about you! You’re part of the guard.” Milena’s eyes were slowly over flowing with tears.

“There is no guard, not anymore.” I stood and leaped over the back of the pew to hug her. “You can go to Paris and be safe. I’ll travel south to see my Aunt and Uncle, explain things, then I’ll join you.” I brushed away her tears and kissed her forehead. “After that I’ll never leave you again.” 

“Kostya, I don’t ….. I don’t have a good feeling about this.”

“No one does, it’s a revolution. It’s a scary time. That’s why you should leave, you’ll be safe and you can take of Helena. I promise I’ll stay safe and join you as soon as I can.” 

“Helena will need a doctor, one who knows her background. I’ll put in my papers with Tomlin, I can keep an eye on everyone.” Zoran smiled gently. 

“Thank you, Zoran.” I placed a hand on his shoulder, but he only shrugged lightly. 

“Really it’s for my own interest, like you said it’s not safe here.” He laughed, eyes twinkling. 

“Either way, I’ll feel better if you’re there with them since I can’t be.” I tucked Milena under my arm and pulled Zoran up with my free hand. 

“Come, we’ll go back to the house and have a drink to honor Alexis and Mischa.” I bid my dear cousin a final goodbye and lead the others out of the church. 

It was a slow precession back to my house, the wind was cold and bitter, and I could see bits of red flying in windows and from carriages, but I resolutely ignored it all. Instead focusing on the feel of Milena at my side, and Zoran’s light chatter. 

Things were changing, for better or worse, I wasn’t sure, but I was determined that we would have a bit normalcy for at least a short time. 

In the coming months I came to realize how precious our time together had been. If I had known at the time just how important it was I would’ve made it last longer. But most of us are not blessed with foresight, so we can only do what we think is right at the time, and pray that it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 07/10/12
> 
> Hey kids, your friendly writer here!
> 
> This story I started writing about two years ago, left off for a year-ish, and I'm just now revising/editing and posting up places. Now this is the last of the previously written chapters that needed to be edited. I do have more in the works, but unfortunately life has gotten a bit hectic unexpectedly; because of that updates will be slower, but I WILL finish this fic. Never fear!
> 
> So just an fyi to you all. :)


	7. Chapter 7

“I don’t want to leave. I won’t.” The pout was over exaggerated and childish, but I suppose anything was fair at this point. 

“Milena, this isn’t a debate. It’s not safe, you have to go. Besides, you’re under Tomlin’s employ and he is asking you to take his daughter, your charge, to Paris. That‘s not something you can easily defy.”

“Then I‘ll quit. Byko will go as Helena’s doctor, he can watch her until they get to Paris, then she’ll have her aunt. I can stay with you, we can go down to see your family and then we can leave together. Maybe even go to Paris? You’ll like it there, I promise you will.” 

“You’re going now, Milena. That’s the end of it! I don’t care if I have to tie you to the damned train!” The outburst shocked both of us into silence, and for a very long time the only sound in the room was the fire crackling merrily in Kostya’s fireplace.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was quiet, and seemed very faraway. 

“It’s alright,” I whispered back. I can see him from the corner of my eye. He was sitting in the old leather chair that had been father’s favorite, I knew it brought him comfort. But even so he seemed solemn, so much older than his twenty years. I knew he was just a few feet from me, but suddenly it seemed much too far, and before I even really knew what I was doing, I was standing before him--running my hand down his face. 

He is so good and strong and I love him so much; more than I ever thought possible.

“I’m just afraid that if I say goodbye now I’ll never see you again. And that isn’t something I could bear.” Tears burned my eyes, my vision swimming. 

Kostya’s strong arms wound around my waist, pulling me down onto his lap, and I buried my face in his neck. He smelled clean and fresh, like soap and crisp winter air. I have never known anyone like him; so safe, so comfortable and sometimes… sometimes I feared that I needed him more than he needed me. 

“It won’t be forever. I swear it,” Kostya said fiercely. I wanted so desperately to believe him, but I knew that life was not always fair. And I was afraid. 

“There is war, Alexis and Mischa are dead. How can you be so sure you’ll make it back to me safely?” He buried his hand in my hair and I looked up at him. He opened his mouth to speak, but shook his head instead. Then he leaned in and kissed me. 

That, unfortunately, told me everything. He didn’t have an answer, because he wasn’t sure. I hated it, but I knew nothing I said or did would change his mind. So I returned the kiss, taking solace is the fact that we were together. 

 

***** 

 

The train station was packed full of people, but thanks to Commander Tomlin we were separated from most of the others, and I knew our compartment on the train would be plush and private; something I was immensely grateful for. My heart was already broken in two with just the idea of leaving Kostya; I had no idea how I would actually say goodbye. 

Dr. Byko was approved by the Commander, and was joining Helena and I on the trip to Paris. I could see him hovering close to the child as she said goodbye to her father. While Commander Tomlin tried to put on a brave face for Helena, I could see the doubt in his eyes. Times were shifting, things uncertain, and who knew what would happen with the changing tide. 

“You shouldn’t look so sad,” Kostya whispered into my ear. I hadn’t even heard him come up. He placed a kiss against my temple, and I leaned into him--wishing desperately to steal his warmth forever. “It’s just a short time, be brave. At least for Helena’s sake.”

“I will.” I tried to keep my voice even, but it hitched slightly, and I prayed I wouldn’t start crying. I wanted to save that for the privacy of the train. 

“Kostya!” Helena cried out, dashing forward despite her father’s and doctor’s warnings. “Kostya I am so very happy you came to say goodbye,” she said once she reached his side. Her breath was coming out in shallow puffs from the exertion, but her cheeks were glowing pink from joy, her smile wide. 

“Of course, I wouldn’t dream of missing the chance to say goodbye to my favorite girl.” Kostya smiled and couched down, accepting a hug from Helena--her thin arms squeezing tightly around his neck. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re saying goodbye to me, too!” Helena pulled back and giggled, casting me a quick glance. “You’ll be good while we’re away, won‘t you?” She nodded very seriously.

“I swear it.” Kostya laughed and crossed his heart.

“Good. I am going to buy you a very special present in Paris. I won’t tell you what though, because I want it to be a surprise.” 

“Oh? Is that so? Well, I look forward to it then.” Kostya hugged her again before standing. 

“You should kiss her,” Helena told him earnestly. By this time Dr. Byko and the Commander had joined our little group, and Tomlin groaned while rubbing at his temple.

“Helena…” he started, but Kostya spoke over him. “Should I?” He arched a brow, lips quirking in amusement. The stress, the pain that had been aging him was gone for the moment. He looked every inch the carefree young man he should be. Handsome and proud. 

“Yes, like in the stories! The prince kisses the princess!” She smiled widely, rocking on the balls of her feet, arms folded behind her back. Kostya pondered about her words for a moment, stroking his chin in thought. 

Helena looked up at him so expectantly, and he cast me a bemused look. Finally he nodded his head and looked down at Helena, “You’re right.”

Kostya whirled around on me and, in the middle of the crowded station with hundreds of people watching us, bent me backward, kissing me soundly. I let out a muffled shriek as the world tilted, one hand going up to keep my hat in place while the other gripped his arm for support.

The kiss was mostly show but still Kostya’s lips were warm against mine, so tender my heart ached with it. 

After a moment he pulled back and sat me upright again, grinning at me and what I was sure was a dazed look on my face. Once the rush of blood died down in my ears I became aware of Helena’s happy giggles, and a small applause from the people gathered; the sound muffled by gloves and mittens.

I supposed it was nice to see a little happiness. Normally I would be there, cheering right along with them, and I would be if I hadn’t known the truth: I was leaving Kostya behind.

“Come along, Helena. Give them a bit of privacy,” the Commander said. He smiled at me, grim and tightlipped, gripping my forearm a moment, and I knew it meant thank you. Dr. Byko shook Kostya’s hand, patting his shoulder gently. 

“Take care, my friend.”

“You do the same, Zoran.” Dr. Byko nodded then followed after the Commander and Helena, leaving us alone. 

Slowly, Kostya turned back toward me, his eyes soft as he reached out and placed his hands on my arms, rubbing up and down the length. Even through my coat and layers underneath I felt a thrill. 

“It will just be a few weeks, a month at the most,” he said softly, voice a low rumble deep in his chest. I held his gaze for a moment--his eyes are the clearest, lightest shade of green. I can remember in my father’s shop there was a necklace in the case by the register, it was a large, rough cut green gem suspended from a thick gold rope chain, the color was so soft, so pale, as to appear almost grey; that was what his eyes always reminded of me. As he spoke they were steady, unwavering, and I believed him. In that moment I believed him.

Finally I nodded and tore my eyes away from his, staring at his mouth instead. It’s wide, revealing straight teeth when he smiled, but there was no smile in that moment. His lips were full, but not overly so, the bottom one a little more so than the top, and the cupids bow was a deep cleft. His lips were soft, softer than one might expect, and they were always sure and firm and intoxicating. 

I leaned forward then and pressed mine to his, his arms--always so strong and secure--wrap around my waist, yanking me closer. 

After a moment we were interrupted by a polite cough behind us, backing away from Kostya I turned around to find my uncle standing there. It’s so strange to seem him out of uniform, I don’t think I can remember a time when I’ve seen in public without it. But even dressed in plain clothes with a fur hat covering his pale hair, he looks every inch the proud guardsman. 

I knew uncle disapproved of Kostya, our relationship--overprotective _zhopa_ that he was--but deep down I they would get along well if given the chance. 

“What are you doing here, uncle?”

“Did you think I wouldn’t see you off?” He smiled warmly at me and leaned in for a tight hug. “You have everything you need?”

“Yes, uncle.” I nodded and returned the hug. When he pulled back he sent a wary look toward Kostya, inclining his head curtly. 

“Kostya, good to see you.”

“Sir.” I could tell Kostya was nervous by the way his eyes were pinched at the corners.

“He was saying goodbye, uncle.”

“Yes, so I saw.” He frowned deeply, but didn’t say anything further and I took that to be a good sign. All in all. 

“Now promise you’ll stay safe, my girl?” 

“If you do the same.”

“We’ll see,“ he said with a teasing wink, and hugged me a bit tighter. “Now say goodbye to your boy there; I’ll go speak with Tomlin.” Uncle turned to leave, but not before casting another look toward Kostya… lord only knew what passed between in them in that moment. Then he was gone, and Kostya and I were alone again. 

Not waiting for another interruption, I stepped close to him and hugged him as tightly as I could -- until my arms felt as if they might cramp. 

“I will miss you, please say you’ll be safe?”

“Of course. It will be a month at the most.” He voice was little more than a whisper, but I could clearly hear the words all the same. His lips grazed against my forehead, my cheeks, and finally my lips. 

We pulled apart when the whistle of the train pierced the quiet. We moved toward the others at the end of the platform, watching silently as the train pulled into the station. The entire time we stood there, I held Kostya’s hand tightly in mine. 

There was a commotion as the train clattered and rolled to a stop, the breaks squealing so loudly as to make you wince. The attendants started to quickly unload luggage and things as people filed off the train… but not just any people. Mostly they were all young men in uniform, red bands around their arms. All grime faced and serious. 

“Bolsheviks,” uncle muttered. I glanced up at Kostya, his eyes were narrowed and burning with such disdain it shocked me.

“Petrograd is forever changed,” he whispered, turning away. 

The train unloaded smoothly, the attendants all efficient and swift. Then they moved onto the luggage of the people waiting as they started directing the people onto it. 

We were the first to go. 

Helena quickly hugged Kostya again, then her further, holding him very tightly. I shook the Commander’s hand, kissed my uncle’s cheek before solemnly facing Kostya.

“I love you, it will be alright. I promise.” He pressed another kiss against my forehead.

I can barely get the words out as tears started choking me, but I forced them out nonetheless. He must know, I told myself No matter what happened he had to know. “I love you, too.” 

He smiled, so bright and happy I wanted to stay with him forever, but Dr. Byko was starting to pull me away toward the train. We filed in with the other people, and raced down the corridor to our compartment. It was on the platform side. Helena and I took our seats by the window, and it was both comforting and sad to see that the commander, my uncle, and Kostya were still waiting on the platform. 

I could hear Helena chatting away to Dr. Byko, but I do not know what all was said. It wasn’t long before the Commander and uncle turned away, talking with their heads bent together. But Kostya remained, his eyes locked with mine. 

Then the train was starting up again, rolling out of the station. Kostya grew smaller and smaller as we moved along. And I was filled with a overwhelming fear that that would be the last I ever saw of him. 

I didn’t tear my eyes away from the window until the train was out of the station, nearly out of the Petrograd completely. But I had long since stopped seeing the world around me, my tears stinging my eyes, blinding.


End file.
